I’ve lost count.
Well either it’s the third time starting over or the fourth, I’m doing this again, because finishing a challenge feels great.
I’ve just finished a 30 videos in 30 days daily posting challenge on Youtube and I got to see myself learning a lot and making improvements. I was basically forced to grow, because for that challenge, I told three friends about it. So I had to keep my words and trust me, I had my moments where I cursed myself thinking what the fuck I’ve gotten myself into.
But I don’t regret a single bit doing that challenge in retrospect. I am in fact so grateful that I’ve got to go through it and actually made it. I’m also thankful for my friends for watching my terribly made videos, leaving comments and encouraging me. They were honestly the only pure motivation for me to stick to it. There were only three, but having them watching me and expecting me to get through with it was more than enough for me to not give up. It was so strong that giving up was not an option. I’ve never even thought about it. I might have (cough) complained in my mind how hard it was, but never thought of giving up. I only thought of how I can make it better.
Imagine having the eyes of like 100’s or 1000’s! Wow, the feeling must be so powerful! I would be privileged to know how it must feel someday. (Well but not with this one, because it’s my diary.) This will maybe probably eventually catch up with my circle somehow I suspect, but well I’m not gunna worry about that right now. Imma deal with that when it happens, I guess! Haha…ha
Anyways, so naturally my mind circled back to THIS one, the elephant who’s been growing and growing in the back of my mind for so long. Obviously, I told absolutely nobody about this one, because it WAS the point: this is my diary, “my night whispers to the stars before bed”. I wanted to unload what’s on my chest, but didn’t want anyone to hear it. (So, I chose the Internet. Yep! LOL I guess I just didn’t want anyone I KNOW to know, but still wanted a witness or something. It just somehow makes sense to me, even though it’s hypocritical. But oh well, who cares? No matter what, it does me good.
This project has been actually what pretty much started it all for me as in getting myself being used to making contents daily and just expressing myself in general. It was almost therapeutic, now that I think about it. I was writing out my thoughts and feelings and I’ve got to review it. When the intangible becomes tangible, it becomes manageable. I remember how I was feeling when I was going strong, posting Day 80’s and Day 130’s! I want to feel that way again and I want to show myself that I CAN finish what I have started. I feel like I owe it to myself and my integrity.
My accidental mentor (a long story) taught me to “start finishing“. It is so vital for success and it is what I really should start doing more and only be doing. I’ve started so many projects so far and have only finished one. A grasshopper mind gets nowhere. You must pick a certain direction and just give’r.
So I am deciding to give myself another chance at it.
At the end of the day, I am doing this for no one but myself. I should just get over the feeling of embarrassment already about having been failing several times to reignite and get back on track with this. And just get at it once again, until I make it. Because it’s just a numbers game. As long as I am making progress, either small or big, if I’m moving forward, it’s winning. Success is not a big of something special. Success is a collection of small little victories. A man who moved a mountain started by moving a small stone. I must move forward, because if I don’t grow, I perish. There is no between.
So I am here again, typing up my inner thoughts.
Thank you, Dear Diary for taking me back again.
What am I grateful for today? Oh my gosh, I interviewed my long time role model, influencer who is eminent in zero waste living society. I am so grateful for how open minded and down to earth she was. I am so blessed that I’ve got a chance to chat with someone whom I consider awesome, and it’s all because of the Internet and our culture we have now. I truly feel like our generation is the most blessed and lives the absolute best time of history, because we have all these technologies, resources, money, people, supports, possibilities, everything and anything. We can do anything we want, we can get anything we need, and we can be anyone we want to become. It’s so fucking awesome if you ask me! Sorry I’m swearing twice already, but both times were much needed for that. #SorryImnotsorry
Since I only have less than two weeks left in Canada before my long term trip, I have so much going on and my mind is going miles, but at the same time I’ve never been so content, calm and happy, because of all these greatness and awesomeness I am surrounded myself with.
So thank you universe, mother nature, everyone for all these positive energy, hopes, dreams, willingness to help and share, desire to become better and do more, passion to move forward and achieve higher and love in everyone’s heart.