This winter has been special.
Every day is special, but I must highlight how beautifully painful this experience has been to me and how wonderfully it has strengthened me this winter.
I fell pretty hard.
It was premature to call it Love, but Like wasn’t strong enough to describe how I was feeling.
The emotions had stricken me real hard. I was high.
How it felt was what I have been longing to experience – one of the big reasons I had to leave my comfort zone for.
When I started feeling a sense of decline in his enthusiasm, I folded, put it away and look the other direction, because I didn’t want it to grow. It was too soon for this.
I brushed it off.
I returned from a month long family visit and he was still there. I was glad and saw it as a sign that this could work. I really wanted it to work.
But the feeling I hid away started appearing again, because my growing emotions were still not quite reciprocated. It had quickly become an anchor for me to be my best self. I was suffering.
So the elephant in the background was addressed.
We had all the “perfect” ingredients for baking, but there was no heat.
The batter wasn’t going to rise to be the cake.
It impaled deeply into my heart, but I also couldn’t agree more. The feeling of decline was mutual. Of course it is always mutual. There were only two people involved in this after all.
Falling leaves were inevitable and winter had come.
The season was over.
But it was great. I will always look back and gush how wonderful it has been to me.
It slapped like a big wave, but it cleaned like nobody else.
It hit the rock forcefully and shattered like vicious fireworks, but surely it would have made an amazing view from afar.
In fact, the wave touched rather gently and felt warm on the skin. It was the most transparent water I have ever seen in my life.
It was different, but good different.
It was much needed for my growth and it will always be deeply appreciated.
My takeaway from this experience is that we always should stay true to ourselves.
I am glad that I didn’t hold back. I threw my ego out the window and showed all my affection. No playing hard to get. I stayed true to myself and faithful to my feelings. I’ve learned to express my gratitude the moment I feel it by losing my chance to say thank-you to someone. I am now better at that.
The moment you lose yourself, that’s when you lose your shine.
I started making exceptions to my perfect routine that served me well and it became the norm which shifted me towards offtrack. You should never lose who you are.
In retrospect, acting like all was good when I was in fact hurt inside in order to avoid conflicts is still something that I should really work on.
Like expressing gratitude the moment you feel it, address hard feelings the moment it appears. The sooner you get to it, the more chance to correct it.
If it was gunna happen, it would have happened already.
I really trust the timing the universe hands me. I know it is always on time for the best. So if it didn’t happen, there is no need to grieve over it. Just accept it and make it serve you.
We are capable of creating our own reality. We can literally design our own lives. We should wholeheartedly trust it and just do it.
Adversity is always the biggest blessing in disguise. I swear my life on it.
I am really grateful that all these happened at this point of my life the way it did. It couldn’t have been better. Thank you.