Today I played the keyboard for about an hour. I videocalled my mum and she seemed very happy to hear me playing again. I got so rusty that I got frustrated and she totally understood me because she knows how I used to play. Playing the piano always brings me back to my old memories and comforts me. It’s totally healing.
There was a moment or two feeling sick and tired of practicing back in the day, but I realize now that it all has become my asset. I dearly love the sound of piano and plan to have my own again in my mansion one day.
I started playing the piano when I was five or six. I was a fast-learner compared to other kids, so I ended up catching up couple of years within less than a year. It made my tutor so excited that she asked my mom for exclusivity to teach me. My mom was utterly proud and seeing my mom happy made me play even better and more.
I played for about eight or nine years. With an excuse for school, I stop playing and forgot about practicing for a very long time. Due to the downfall of my father’s business, we had to sell our home and move to a smaller place. Even during that time, my mom didn’t give up on my piano for me. It must have made the move harder and more expensive, but it didn’t matter to her. I didn’t realize this until now.
My piano was sold when I left for Canada. I remember the look on my mom’s face the day it was sold. She seemed heartbroken. She repeatedly asked me how I was doing and I was honestly fine with it. I was too consumed with my move to Canada at that time and even excited that she gave me the money from selling the piano. How simple I was! Although I sensed her sadness, I assumed that it was just about me moving away soon and maybe she was sad for me thinking that I must be sad about my piano. I mean I wasn’t thrilled about it, but it surely meant more for her than me.
I see it now. For her to see my piano go, it must have been like seeing the good old times go: Our family used to have everything. Seasonal vacations, brand new fancy vehicles, acquisition of a brand new property, my brother in one of the best private schools in the city, me being in the top 1% of my school, father’s thriving business, mum’s stunning fitness and homemaking, our family’s social life… we were nothing but prosperous in every way. The piano was acquired during that time and it must have been a symbol of those times. I remember telling my parents one night that I want private lessons at home with my very own brand new piano that is made of chestnut colour wood and with the hand carved legs and flowers on the front. Literally the next day, I had it all.
My family has gone through a lot. Wish it had hit us with less intensity, but I am still thankful for what we experienced because it has made us stronger and even closer. We understand each other so well now that often times words don’t even need to be said between us. I can so effortlessly and automatically sense their feelings through their voices even all they are saying is Good Morning.
They are truly my inspiration and motivation to do well and become successful. When I get sidetracked, thinking of them puts me back on the right track. When I get tired, lazy or discouraged, their presence always energizes and refreshes me.
At the beginning of this year, when I came back from Christmas with my family, my motivation level was the highest ever in my entire life. I had zero fear but full ideas and courage. I was working for myself for several months and made such a tremendous progress. I was one click away from the beginning of a new venture.
I think it was probably because my mom seemed so small. She used to be full of energy (often too much) and she was rather feisty. I was never afraid of anything as long as she was with me. Now she has become more soften and it kinda feels like a candle that is now burning smaller. It broke my heart but I know her old flame will go up tall and fearlessly again. When she came to see me last summer, she regained the flame by the time she returned to home.
Honestly I have become comfortable. I’ve been beating myself up for this for awhile now and I will break out of it soon.
Trading time for money is the worst exchange ever. Especially for me, with my aging mom on the other side of the globe, spending quality time with her every second is precious. I am going to have flexibility to support myself doing what I love, at where I want it, in how I want it, with whom I want it, as long as I want it, how much I want it, so that my time with her takes place anytime anywhere however we want it.
Grateful for my favourite people and their complete endless support in every way. I owe them everything and can’t wait to return all the greatness multiplied.
My best friend calls me Wall-E. Because I put away everything. I am almost always organizing. The best part? I get such a great joy out of it.
I want to watch this movie again with my brother.
A random thought:
I understand why everyone in the world is trying so hard to learn English regardless where they live. Of course there are many reasons, but I personally think that it is because a lot of golden information is often in English. Some stories can have its impact the way it should only when English is understood in the native speaker level. When I read such a life altering book or hear a worthwhile seminar, I want to tell my family all about it but it isn’t quite the same when I translate for them. But it could be due to my skills, too. Either way, I will still try my best to share as much as I can in the best way possible.